SGT USMC 1ea

The following is a seditious quote speaking out against the constitution made by a Harvard educated liberal from Massachusetts, Senator Gerry who held secret negotiations in Paris, France:
"My principal objections to the plan (constitution) are, that there is no adequate provision for a representation of the people; that they have no security for the right of election; that some of the powers of the legislature are ambiguous, and others indefinite and dangerous; that the executive is blended with, and will have an undue influence over, the legislature; that the judicial department will be oppressive; that treaties of the highest importance may be formed by the president, with the advice of two thirds of a quorum of the senate; and that the system is without the security of a bill of rights. These are objections which are not local, but apply equally to all the states."

"I have never spoken out against the constitution and this is made up libelous slander from the vast right wing conspiracy" Said John Kerry a Professional Vietnam Veteran and Presidential candidate. "They quoted me out of context. Sure I may have said some of these things but I was tired from the campaign and off my game that day. I now have my eye back on the ball and can say definitively that I would never call our current Judicial branch oppressive and there is no way it will be in the future once I have stacked it with liber-er....with unlabeled, like minded, litmus tested Justices. I would also like to clear up the record and state that we do indeed have a Bill of Rights!,... don't we?."

At a stump speech in Pittsburgh Mr. Kerry, who is also intermittently a US Senator, expanded on the subject. "I will pursue this lawsuit against the Allentown Gazette to the fullest extent of the law and John Edwards shady trial lawyer abilities. These charges will not stand. I do not pander to external influences. There is no such thing as Kerrypandering. How could they make these accusations against a war hero, Do they know who I am? "

When asked for comment at the Allentown Gazette several employees gave a statement on speakerphone intermittently interrupted with giggles and snorts :

First off we sincerely, giggle, Apologize that our ancient typesetting machine makes a G look a little like a K.
As you know we are redistricting the electorate here in Pennsylvania so the article was about Gerrymandering and the quote was just to add context to its' creator Elbridge Gerry who just happened to be an Ivy league educated liberal senator from Massachusetts who held secret negotiations in Paris, France IN THE YEAR 1798!snicker. Did anybody bother reading the rest of the article that concentrated on redistricting?
KerryPandering?.....Mwahhaaahaa (people heard falling from chairs and slapping knees in background)
Thats priceless!! ...
(click)

When confronted with the facts Senator Kerry denied them. " I do not make condemnations without having all the facts- I have 3 purple hearts and integrity, integrity....integrity. The Allentown Gazzete rushed off the piece without a plan to win the legal war I am about to unleash. I have experts who will testify that the 1970's era typesetters they have are quite capable of making a legible 'G'. The damage to my impeccable character has already been done since they sent those 377 tons of dangerous newspapers out into the hands of the illiterate masses. They were of no potential danger as long as the evil newspaper elite held on to them. "

President Bush when asked to comment on the story during a speech in North Philly had this to say. " Kerrypandering? so what else is new...Oh Gerrymandering- isn't that when you go out and gig those little wet lizards?, Next question."

Story made up with nods and style acknowledgements to my mentor (unknown to him) Scott Ott at scrappleface.

Deus es Semper Fideles